Greetings, bloglings. I recently celebrated my one year wedding anniversary. So, I decided I wanted to share some of the vast wisdom I’ve acquired in 365 days of marriage. Surely when you read this blog it will immediately improve your marriage, even if you’re not married!
Now, in all seriousness, I am not actually claiming to be vastly wise, nor am I claiming to be a marriage expert. I will honestly say I have failed to do things I should have done and hope there are things I will still do or things I will become better at doing.
Alright, enough of my dawdling. From even before we exchanged our vows, I have tried to take seriously the part of scripture that says “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” (Ephesians 5:25) I’ve tried to think about what it means to give myself up for my wife. That could very well play out in the practical giving of my life to save hers, which I would readily do, but I wanted to apply this verse to everyday life. It could mean compromising one of my desires to please her. It could mean thinking of my wife first and my self last. It could mean I surprise her by cooking dinner or cleaning something etcetera etcetera.
Here’s the lightbulb-over-the-head of this post: I realized early and have recently reminded myself that the most real and everyday way giving myself up for my wife is to intentional do things for her that I don’t feel like doing. When I’ve had a long day and I’m tired and achy and just want to veg out, the last thing I want to do for my wife is (fill in the blank) so that is the very thing I do. Be it laundry, dishes, walking the dog, taking out the trash, running to the store– if your first thought is “Heck no, I don’t want to do that,” then you should probably go ahead and suck it up and give yourself up for your wife. It will show her you love her and certainly bless her heart.
This might not be everyone’s conclusion, so I want to hear from you! What do you think giving yourself up for your wife means?
I promised you I would have more to say on marriage, and by jove, here it is! I want to publicly proclaim my goals/intentions for our marriage. That way, if I fail you can print out this page and kick me while I’m down. Oh wait, no… don’t do that. I don’t think that would help. Plus, I have no plans for failure, only for God to consume us.
- I want to die to self and love her like Christ loves the Church and gave himself up for her.
- I want to earnestly seek God as an individual and as a couple.
- I want to be a Godly spiritual leader of my household.
- I want to make her feel like she is a rare treasure.
- I want to do the small things that make her smile.
- I want to open our home to friends, family and God’s plans.
- I want to seek accountability and counsel on a personal level and as a couple.
- I want to surprise her with romantic dinners and other devious things.
You might think these are rather lofty sounding things, but I believe God to be the do-er of lofty things. God really is the key here. Both Keri and I know that our marriage would not be worth it if we weren’t bringing God into from the beginning. It’s a bit cliche, but it is the cord of three strands that cannot be broken. Despite our compatibility and happiness and love and all that good stuff there will be trials and rough times in our marriage and we know that the key to facing them is God. Do I have more to say? I don’t know. I’m tired. If I have more to say, there will be a part tres. If I don’t, there will not be a part tres. That is all.
Marriage. I think I could write a novel about this topic. However, since this is a blog, I will try to keep on track. Many of you readers that know me personally also know I am getting married in July. My angel fiance and I have been attending premarital counseling. We have both immensely enjoyed it. Churches often require that you take premarital counseling before they agree to let you use their church for the ceremony. This is true with our church, but that is not the spirit of our counseling. We are not doing it to check a box and meet a requirement. We genuinely want our marriage to be epically successful, putting 110% of ourselves into it. We are counseling with a couple whose marriage should never have survived the years, but they are living examples of God’s resurrection power and it’s an amazing thing to see. It’s quite an honor to have them pouring into our lives.
I wanted to say a couple things about my view of marriage. The Bible is clear that it is a model of Christ and His love for the Church. It’s a small, earthly version of that divine romance. I love marriage. It is such an amazing thing to see God’s design take place in two people’s lives. He takes two people and joins them to be one. They are now this unstoppable team. A cord of three persons- God being that third strand that holds the entire thing together. If God is not a person in the relationship, I suggest you not even get married because it will likely fail. Marriage brings everything in a person out to light. Marriage is a tool that can either strengthen the two together or expose and break them down individually. I genuinely believe my future wife will discover things in me she finds less than attractive. My hope is that we will grow together and that our unwanted things will be transformed into Christ-likeness.
I have more to say on this, but my brain train has derailed and exploded in a fireball. Metaphor translation: I’ve lost my train of thought. I’ll pick this up again in a later blog.